There’s a poem about listening by an unknown author. This little poem expresses several thoughts about what people want from their partners, friends, and children.
Listen
When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving me advice
You have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you begin to tell me why
I shouldn’t feel that way
You are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you think you have to do something
to solve my problem
you have failed me,
strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I asked was that you listen,
not talk or do…just hear me.
advice is cheap; twenty five cents will get
you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself. I am not
helpless. Maybe discouraged
and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me
that I can do for myself
you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy.
But when you accept as a
simple fact that I do
feel what I feel,
no matter ho irrational,
then I can quit trying to convince
you and can get about this business
of understanding what’s behind
this irrational feeling.
And when that’s clear, the answers are
obvious and I don’t need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when
we understand what’s behind them.
Perhaps that’s why prayer works
sometimes, for some people…because
god is mute, and doesn’t give
advice or try to fix things.
He (or She) just listens
and let’s you work it out
yourself.
So please listen and just hear me
and if you want to talk, wait a minute for
your turn…and I’ll listen to you.*
*Writings from Dr. Thomas Gordon
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